Why you don’t have to wear black to a funeral

For a long time, black has been the go-to colour for funerals, but is it time to rethink this tradition? Grief is a personal journey, and there’s no one-size-fits-all way to dress for it.

For some, black feels like a natural expression of mourning, almost like a comforting ritual. But for others, it can feel like a forced uniform, making them part of a solemn event they never quite signed up for. By allowing people to wear what feels right to them, we can honour the individuality of grief and how people process it.

The idea that you have to wear black can also carry unnecessary pressure, as if we need to broadcast our sadness through clothing. Grief isn’t about what you wear, and there shouldn’t be a dress code for how to feel. Let people express their emotions in their own way, whether that’s through their outfit or in other personal touches.

I remember my first experience of a funeral vividly—my nanny Joyce passed away in February 2004 after a long battle with cancer. In her final wishes, she asked that no one wear black. She wanted the day to be about celebrating her life, not focusing on the sadness of her passing. Instead of the usual sombre attire, everyone wore something colourful, and the atmosphere felt light, almost joyful. It was a unique experience for me, one that left a lasting impression. Rather than a day consumed by grief, it became a moment of remembrance filled with warmth and love.

Not every culture sees black as the default for funerals anyway. In some traditions, vibrant colours are worn as a way to celebrate life. Embracing this diversity in mourning customs can enrich how we understand and support each other during times of loss.

That said, it’s always good to be mindful of the customs of the people around you. While some may feel ready to step away from tradition, others find comfort in it, and respecting those traditions is important, too.

In the end, what matters most isn’t whether you’re wearing black, white, or even a bright floral pattern. It’s the care and compassion you show to those who are grieving. Whether you stick with tradition or choose something more personal, what counts is your presence and your empathy.