When someone we love dies it's important that we have a chance to grieve. Grief is expressed in many ways, sometimes physically, sometimes visually and sometimes not at all. In this blog we explore this a little bit more...

My heart sinks in these places. I don't belong here. I long for the calm uniformity, and crispness of a war graves area, or to browse the heritage, art-forms and craft of the high Victorians, or to feel the patina of weathered, local stones leaning in God's green acres. But I'm most at home in the peace and simplicity of a truly natural burial ground.

Our mantra - 'Simple, natural and beautiful' seems to work best.

Often a person will have told the family not to waste any money on their funeral. Direct cremation is a low cost option that is growing in popularity. It simply means that the body is removed and cremated with the minimum fuss, with no service at the crematorium, and at the funeral director's and crematorium's convenience. This means that the family won't be able to visit and view the body after removal and cannot attend the cremation, which some might not want, but the cost reductions can be significant.

A number of national companies have been formed specifically to offer this service, but you don't necessarily have to use one of those, as your local funeral director should be able to provide the same service for you if you ask them.

It is quite possible to organise a direct cremation yourself. You will need to liaise with the staff at the crematorium about paperwork that you will need to complete, the type of coffin to use and the timing and method of bringing the person who has died to them. Guidance from the government is published here online
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/cremation-guidance-for-applicants

When a cremation is separate from the farewell, family can stay with fellow mourners after a memorial service. This has the benefit that they won't miss the opportunity to mix with everyone at the post-funeral gathering and enjoy the support that brings. Often by the time the family get back from the crematorium quite a number of the people who have gathered for the funeral have departed.
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​“Promise me
you'll take my dust
and lay it down in peace
'neath leafy boughs
and moonlit skies
for there, I'll feel released”

On Tuesday 26th June 2018, we attended a conference organised by the Church of England at the National Memorial Arboretum. The title of the conference was...
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"Just put me in the bin" - Contemporary issues around ashes and bodies
On one of the hottest days of the summer, speakers from the church academia and funeral professionals addressed a marquee full of clergy, celebrants and a couple of cemetery managers (us). 

Some interesting points we took away are: -

• Memorials are hugely important as places to go when there is no marked grave
• there will be 6.4 million deaths in the UK in the next decade
• Funerals are seen as difficult to organise. "In some ways we're so free but we're also a little bit lost" - Denise Inge
• Cremation is never the final rite - burial is final, cremation is the first stage...
• 80% of people now take the ashes away from the crematorium
• What you do with the ashes can be to fulfil the person's identity... Scatter them somewhere meaningful
  
• The place for the remains needs to have permanence
  
• Ashes stored at home are often found in wardrobes after house clearances
  
• Urns are surprisingly stolen in burglaries if the container appears valuable
  
• 'Direct Cremation' separates the farewell from the disposal of remains - this can help the 'flow' of a funeral when otherwise the gathering would be split and the family mourners can miss the wake
  

The quote of the day had to be from a book by funeral director and writer Thomas Lynch:

"A good funeral gets the dead where they need to go and the living where they need to be."

We love this idea and searched for something similar so that others could do the same. That is when we discovered Silversmith, Cari-Jane Hakes, who hand-makes highly personalised sterling silver necklaces with a minimal and contemporary design, specifically to record those moments when our lives change forever. Her design lets you commemorate these events by engraving them onto the silver bands of this necklace - past moments, worn close to your heart and carried with you into your future.
The engravings can be uniquely yours...

• Names
• Important dates
• Location coordinates - longitude and latitude (we can provide these)
• Special words  - perhaps from a favourite song or poem

The choice is entirely yours. If you would like to try something different, that's possible too... 

"Let me know if you have any ideas you want to explore.  Basically anything that involves metal and text I can do!" Cari. Contact Cari by email carijanehakes@rocketmail.com

Her work is available through her ETSY website.

A frequent feature of Scottish funerals is the presence of a piper which is becoming more and more popular.

On 28th February, we held a funeral at our Delliefure natural burial ground, Grantown on Spey and the funeral procession was lead by "Award Winning" Spud The Piper aka Callum Fraser. 

Dressed in all his finery, Spud played his bagpipes during the service and instead of stopping at the end of the service, he  walked away into the distance still piping, with the music floating away with him. 

Spud is known worldwide and plays at weddings, ceilidhs and just about every event where music adds something special to the setting.

​His website is full of information and gallery photos as well as contact details to book him directly.  

As a designer and artist, initially I was asked by friends and family to create bespoke Order of Service brochures. Having myself witnessed loss, I wanted to contribute something at this difficult time. By creating a unique design, we could remember their loved ones more intimately and vividly than many readily available designs. I also hoped to combine a level of professionalism with my genuine desire to reflect, albeit on this modest stage, a little about the person and their life.

I felt there was a place for bespoke cards that marked a person’s life with celebration and with a non-denominational approach. Where the design could reflect their passions, work or incorporate something unique that would allow their loved ones to smile as they remembered it.

Revelling in the beauty and grandeur of nature, many of the background images I use are full-bleed imagery which give a visceral sense of being somewhere beautiful and important, perhaps providing some comfort as they picture their loved ones there. After the service it can also serve as a small reminder of the occasion and sit alongside other
memories and treasured photos.

How it works
Initially, we can give advice on how others have approached this to simplify the process during this difficult time. For example, I’ve found that an A4 size (an ordinary sheet of paper) folded to A5 creating 4 sides, is a format that works well. Giving enough space for important details without having to worry about providing lots of content.

​​Photography
We can discuss the imagery a client would like to use, which they can send as scanned images. I also have an extensive library of original photographs I have taken which lend themselves to evocative backdrops for other images and information about the service. Sometimes when using vintage photographs, I can also enhance them with a little digital restoration, and make them print worthy once again.

Once we have settled on an idea I can design the order of service card and send an initial design proof to you via email for your comments or updates. I can make these adjustments and then when you are happy to sign-off the design, I will send it to a trusted local printer. The finished printed, trimmed and folded brochures can be delivered to a chosen UK address.

Print
I appreciate that during this time, the last thing you want to think about is cost or timings. So I aim to work with agreed fixed costs that include managing print and delivery. This ensures expenses and production are kept simple and timely, so you have what you need, when you need it. Out of respect, I have only included a few finished designs. As an example, prices for this complete bespoke design service range from £350-£550, with print costs averaging between £30-£55 dependent on the quantity needed. My website, designandpurpose.com, gives broader examples of my design and experience".
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http://www.designandpurpose.com/

​Our lovely landowner/custodian, Rosie Humphreys, at our natural burial meadow at Usk came up with the brilliant idea of how we could occasionally be present at the site to answer any enquiries from visitors.  She has purchased and sited a shepherd's hut at the top of the drive just before you reach the burial ground's car park.  We have been there each Sunday afternoon for the month of April. There are just two Sunday afternoons to go, so please come along if you would like to have a chat, have any questions or would simply like to have a look around.
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