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Why do so many people get the wrong sort of funeral?

25/9/2014

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The Frome Show 2014
The reason is that they don’t write down or talk about their wishes. The difference between what people actually wanted and what they end up having can be poles apart. It happens because ‘buying’ a funeral is a stress purchase and with no guidance from the person who has died, their families with their emotional energy already sapped, buy the default set piece.

This is what we've found.

During the summer we attend a number of agricultural shows. As well as spreading awareness of our natural burial grounds, it gives us the opportunity to meet and speak to local people. This way we can find out how they feel about what we do and they can ask us questions. Compared to the horticultural tent and cheese vendors (which are both fantastic!) our stand offers a completely new topic of conversation. And as you can imagine, it gets people talking.

On the morning of the Frome Show James had an idea for one of our blackboards. ‘What would you choose?’ was the question we posed, followed by a list of funeral options chosen to provoke thought. It was a new idea, and we were excited to see how people would react.

Within a few hours, the board was full. It really grabbed people’s attention as they walked past and they couldn’t resist adding their thoughts. The idea was to make people think about what they’d like and tell someone, rather than leaving those left behind to guess.

Thame Show blackboard results
The results from our blackboard. Click to enlarge.
The options on the board ranged from transport, coffin types and memorials, to dress code and drinks, with cider unsurprisingly beating tea by 55 to 28. Maybe a pint brings out the better stories at wakes? Concerning the more environmental topics, we found a considerable difference in choice between the options available. A wicker or hardwood coffin? 71 said wicker, 11 would prefer a hardwood one. A headstone or wildflowers? 6 wanted a headstone … the other 80 would rather have wildflowers on their grave. Eco-friendly or cremation? 56 to 29. The margins are huge.

If you follow the choices made to their logical conclusion you would be right in thinking that the average UK funeral would be a colourful, eco-friendly one. But it’s not. We’re taken off in an oak-veneered chipboard coffin in a shiny black hearse plus one limo to the gas guzzling, featureless crematorium by funeral directors dressed like Victorians. 

When a funeral is given some prior thought, the experience can become a more memorable one, one to cherish rather than endure; "many of those who attended my wife's funeral were surprised that a natural burial was possible - and commented very favourably on the whole experience (particularly in contrast to recent cremations in the family.) … Finding an alternative to traditional graveyards and crematoria was important to her. Being able to plan her service and a resting place which reflected her personality was a source of great relief. The day itself, when it came, was peaceful and dignified and a truly moving experience for her family and friends" – a testimonial from a funeral at Cardiff Natural Burial Meadow.

Other results indicated that people would rather be carried by their mates than undertaker's bearers, for a Robbie Williams track to play them out instead of Frank Sinatra, and that the pub is the most popular place to go afterwards. Ultimately, the results demonstrated that somehow we’re not given the day we’d really like. We’re denying ourselves our final wishes.

So what’s going wrong? People are forgetting to write it down and/or talk about it. Do it today!

The results speak for themselves

4 Comments

What would Doctor Who’s funeral be like? Dignified?

19/9/2014

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How does the Doctor’s experience of intergalactic death care compare with our earthly experiences? What would he think of arrangements in an average high street chain?

In the 1985 Doctor Who episode ‘Revelation of the Daleks’, loosely based on Evelyn Waugh’s ‘The Loved One’, we learn a little about the Doctor’s attitude to funerals. He is an existentialist believing that when you die that’s it.


The story is set in the Tranquil Repose Funeral Home on the planet Necros. Renowned for their funeral arrangements for the galaxy's elite, the deceased are placed into suspended animation until a ‘cure’ for their death is found and they are returned to life. These people are called the ‘Resting Ones’. But all is not well, the Tranquil Repose has been taken over by the evil Davros who is using the deceased in the storage hub to make new Daleks.

Simple Natural Beautiful circular Gallifreyan
What on Earth is this? Well it's not actually from Earth, it's from the Time Lord's own planet Gallifrey. It means 'simple natural beautiful' - our motto - in their language Circular Gallifreyan.
Outside the funeral home lies the ‘Garden of Fond Memories’, where statues of the Resting Ones are erected in their memory. It is the job of staff Mister Jobel and his student Tasambeker to upsell. This they do via the ‘perpetual arrangement’. Sound familiar?

While your body is ‘suspended’ you can opt to have music and information played to you by ‘The DJ’ to keep you abreast of music trends and news. You don’t want to be out of date when you come back do you? For a bit extra the DJ can read messages from your loved ones to you to keep you updated with family events. And then there’s the memorial statue.


In the Garden of Fond Memories is a statue of the Doctor, made of polystyrene but sold as stone. Davros has put it there with the intention of killing the Doctor. The Doctor stares at it and declares “No, no, this is dreadful. Do you realise how much a thing like this would cost …… America doesn’t have the monopoly on bad taste”. He turns his back on the statue and it collapses on top of him. Jobel appears “I am Jobel. I am very important here, I am the Chief Embalmer”. The Doctor replies “Are you touting for business?  The Doctor pushes the statue off himself stating “It’s all part of an elaborate theatrical effect”.  Tasambeker later stabs Jobel in the heart and is himself killed by a Dalek.

Dr Who Memorial
The then Dr Who, Colin Baker, stands in front of his own memorial in the episode ‘Revelation of the Daleks’.
At the end of the episode The Doctor says “This place is called Tranquil Repose. I think we should leave the dead in peace don’t you? I know somewhere that is truly tranquil, peaceful, restful. A panacea for the cares of the mind.”

 “Planets come and go. Stars perish. Matter disperses, coalesces, forms into other patterns, other worlds. Nothing can be eternal.” – The Sixth Doctor, Colin Baker.

So it’s a natural burial for Doctor Who then, when he stops regenerating.
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26 Agincourt Square
Monmouth
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© Leedam Natural Heritage, a trading name of Native Woodland Ltd a company registered in Scotland No. SC240278
  • Home
    • Blog
  • Locations
    • Our burial grounds
    • Finding the spot >
      • Using your phone
      • Using tape measures
      • Using landmarks
    • Parking
  • Coronavirus
  • Arrangements
    • Who Does What?
    • Family Led Funerals
    • Funeral Directors
    • The Funeral Service
    • Words and Music
  • Natural Burial
    • Natural Burial Guide
    • Cremation or Burial?
    • Rules and Regs
  • Advice
    • Future Security
    • Spreading costs >
      • Funeral Plans
    • Babies and children
    • Practical Advice
    • Health & Safety
    • Coffins
    • Flowers
    • Trees on Graves
    • Bereavement
    • The Good Funeral Guide
    • Frequently Asked Questions
    • Memorial Websites
  • Your Stories
  • Contact Us